荆轲刺秦

场景一 密谋
公元前230年,秦拥雍州之地,君臣固守,以窥周室,有席卷天下, 包举宇内,囊括四海之意,并吞八荒之心。燕国太子丹为此忧心忡忡,寝食难安。

It is the year 230 B.C. China has almost dominated by Kingdom eagle. But on one small part of the map, a little country, Kingdom Bird, is still fighting for its living. Prince Dan, who is the prince of the little country bird, is under high pressure all the time, thinking about how to survive from kingdom eagle.

太子丹出场,边走边叹气,谋士阿三紧随其后。太子丹在庭中踱步,仰天而?:“最近比较烦,比较烦,比较烦,总觉得日子一天比一天难熬。哎,秦国赢政那小子,仗着手下兄弟多,不把我放在眼里,这些日子横行霸道,吞了我不少地盘,这样下去,我还咋这道上混啊?阿三。”
“臣在,”阿三赶紧上前道:“大王有何吩付。”

(歌声响起,太子丹以中文唱歌,最近比较烦,然后就是定格,旁白起,英文解释under pressure, under pressure , don’t know what to do, don’t know how to survive, day by day, I am going to die): prince ali, he is the prince of the kingdom eagle, always take my land from my country. If let this happen again and again, where should we live. Where should I put my face.
(daily show 12 09 04)
Do we want to catch him?
You bet.
Are we trying to
You bet
Will we eventually?
I certainly believe we do.

Three………

Yes, His majesty. I am three, how may I serve you.

太子丹道:“不知爱卿有何妙计啊?”
Do u know what can we do.

阿三(作沉吟状):“这个吗……,有了,殿下,臣有一计可解您之忧。”
Eh, yes, his majesty, I have a plan can help you.

“哦,速速讲来。”

Really, what?
“所谓‘无毒不丈夫’,我们可派一职业杀手把赢政给作了,秦必大乱,太子便可起兵攻秦,届时珠宝,美女……。”

Always be very bad to your enemy or you get die. I suggest you send a professional killer to take prince ali down. Then no one can lead his country, by then, we raise our army against kingdom eagle, surely we will win.

(两人作流口水状)
“妙,此计甚妙,可不知何人可担此大任?”
Good plan, but who can do the job.

“对了,听说近日天下第一剑客??西门吹雪在我国观光,殿下可请他相助,必成大事。”
“那还不快给我去找。”
“喳。”

Recently, the no. first professional killer Simon is paying a visit on our country, with his help, no need to worry about the plan.
Then just go and find him, now!
ok

场景二 决斗
(两人远远背对仗剑而立,漫天枯叶乱舞,天地一片肃杀之气。《风云》主题歌响起,旁白:白衣如雪者,西门吹雪,世界排名第一,战斗力十万,最喜爱的颜色——黑色,最喜爱的零食——酸奶。)

旁白:at the same time, this professional killer is fighting with another killer, jingle bell.

Killer Simon, ranking first professional killer over the world, fighting ability 100,000, the favorite color black, favorite snack, cookie.

(the man in black without any t-shirt inside, but only one tie)

Simon: I love cookie

Killer Jingle bell, ranking unknown, fighting ability unknown, astrology virgo, most favorite female star: Britney Spears

They are now going to fight to each other for a title , who is most fashion in the world.

Suddenly , 两个人跑向对方,一霎那间,然后立定。过了一下simon倒地。

旁白响起:because everything goes too fast, we will rewind and play this fight again.

两个人能慢慢的冲向对方,用手里的微型的筷子和杯子当武器,以极缓慢的动作出招,比如站起来的时候腿站不稳什么的,反正就是速度特别慢,而且做了很多的动作,估计打了一分钟,倒带的时候两方的动作也要做出来。

完了后,jingle bell 慢慢走到已倒在地上的simon上,问他还有什么话说,simon模仿功夫里头的场面,拿起已丢到地上的筷子,闭着眼睛,手发抖的敲了一下对方的头。Jingle bell 怒气,向她吹了口气或是放了个屁,把它给熏死了。

荆轲长出一口气,好不容易才站了起来,忽闻远处有人渐来,
急忙装出还剑入鞘姿势。
阿三匆匆赶到,见有人傲立,便以为定是西门吹雪,急忙上前问道:“您那个一定就是西门吹雪?”(天津腔)

Three:you must simon

Jingle bell: simon, If you come 3 minutes earlier, maybe you could get a chance to talk to him.

Three: so, you must be the one who beat the simon, are you? Who r u?

Jingle bell: (摆出奥特曼德姿势,很刁的表情,cool的语调),they call me jingle bell.

Three: jingle bell. This is our prince dan.

Prince dan: you are the one beat the simon, you are better than him. Can you help me to kill the prince ali.

Jingle bell: 很夸张的样子。转身,c u.

Prince dan: wait , hero. I have a gift for you. Miss jimbabuwe. Take my task , she will be yours

上来一个男扮女装的女生, 挖鼻屎,(李国栋)蹦蹦跳跳的出场。倾国倾城。Prince dan 和three 都吐了,只有jinble bell 还陶醉,
And say: I want to kill prince ali for her.
(赵薇《有一个姑娘》音乐响起)
只见一位绝色女子婷婷走来(男扮女装),粉红纱巾半遮半掩,行至荆轲面前。朝他抛了一个百媚俱生的眼神,然后缓缓离去。

J旁白:After 3 months preparation,jingle bell is ready now。prince dan also prepare a gift that will be presented to prince ali for his trust to meet the jingle bell. By that time, jingle bell will have the chance to kill the prince ali.

Prince don: this is the map of my country, take this to see prince ali, he will trust in you, then take a chance to kill him…手做斩头状。

两人手握手,好像找到党的感觉那样。

B:废话少说,快点交易吧,最近风声很紧。快,给我验货。(A去拿B的箱子)
A:你是真的放手!想验啊?你要是想验的话你就说话嘛,你不说我怎么知道你想要呢,虽
然你很有诚意地看着我,可是你还是要跟我说你想验的。你真的想验吗?那你就验吧!你
不是真的想验吧?难道你真的想验吗?……

About linpx
He is lazy, so he left nothing here.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: